In most families, the ex-wife doesn’t come to live with her ex-husband and his new wife. In most families, the ex-wife isn’t HIV positive and in desperate need of the medical care available just a block from her ex-husband’s house. We’ve had some interesting changes lately at my house in Msambweni, and they’re teaching me so much about understanding, tolerance, and love.
Mama Abee, my baba’s previous wife, has five children with Baba (More kids just kept coming over the weeks, but I think it’s just 5!). Msambweni schools are on a break for a couple of weeks, so the four of these kids who normally live in various places and boarding schools in the area are in our house living with us, and recently their mom joined us. The whole blended family is now together under one roof. I was trying to figure out how this works—why my Mama welcomes in Baba’s ex-wife, how everyone is able to get along without conflict. Then I heard a song by Matisyahu, and one of the lines made it all make sense: “Death brings life into uncertain things.” Mama Abee has progressed to full-blown AIDS, and isn’t doing well. The notion that she wouldn’t make it much longer if she continued without medical treatment brought the life, the humanity, into this situation. It makes petty arguments not seem quite so important; it makes the love within this family thrive, even in an unconventional place. Mama Abee is now visiting the hospital daily, and she can be loved on by all 5 of her children (who she normally doesn’t live with) every day and receive the medicine she so desperately needs. After studying HIV in a conceptual way for so long back in Wisconsin and then getting a little closer to the disease while working in the CCC Clinic for HIV patients at the hospital, I’m learning so much by actually living with someone suffering from AIDS. I see her struggles, the pain she faces on a daily basis, the love her caregivers show her to give her strength.
The house is full of laughter and love with all of the extra people around, and I’m thrilled with the opportunity to get to know my host brothers and sister better and have four extra kids join me on my daily swim in the ocean. It’s an interesting situation, but my Msambweni family has embraced it and is making it work.
Mama Abee with her daughter Mariam
Extra people means extra chaos at dinner time!
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